If I could go back ….

Life has been busy, like so busy that sometimes I stop for a second and go “wow, this is all happening very fast”. But in reality, this has been a journey of 7 years, all the hard work, dedication, tears and strokes of luck, have got me to this point.

In 2 weeks I am heading to Las Vegas with my #TeamRippleAus crew. We will be attending the National Council of Behavioural Health Conference #NatCon16 and it still feels like a dream.

When I started this journey after Aidon died, it wasn’t for the notoriety, it was to try and help others not go through what my family & I went through and still go through today. Raising that awareness, one conversation at a time is key and it is something I will continue to do for the rest of my life but one question that we don’t tend to acknowledge or ask our lived experience advocates is

“Would you go back……”

Throughout the 7 years, I have met so many amazing people and feel I have achieved a lot so far in the sector, however I think it is important to acknowledge that if I could click my fingers and go back to the seconds before Aidon ended his life, I would do it in a heartbeat. I would re live that day over and over again, to try and save him, to do things differently and to just give him a hug.

Yes the things I have done, am doing now and am still hoping to achieve are a direct result of a decision Aidon made, but I would go back and live amongst that messy life, because it would mean he would still be here.

I want his story known and I want people to think differently about their mental health.

If I could go back, I would and allowing ourselves to think that is ok.

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